How Does the Customer’s Evolving Identity Influence Purchasing Decisions According to the Surreal Selling Theory?

According to psychologist Dan McAdams, we do not experience life as isolated events but rather construct our identity through a “narrative arc” we tell ourselves, known as the Self-Narrative. This story is not just a chronological sequence but a complex psychological framework that includes:

• The Past: How did I become who I am? (For example: “I grew up in poverty, so I am financially cautious.”)
• The Present: What is my role in the world now? (“I am a team leader building sustainable projects.”)
• The Future: What is the meaning I strive to achieve? (“I will leave an environmental legacy for my grandchildren.”)

If we understand how identity is formed, we can understand how it changes—and, therefore, how we can influence purchasing decisions by reshaping the customer’s internal narrative.

Identity as a Changing Narrative: An Introduction to Surreal Selling

Identity is not fixed; it evolves continuously with circumstances and experiences. If people constantly rewrite their personal stories, then a seller can influence this narrative so that the product or service becomes part of the customer’s future story.

• The present is a reflection of the past and future → Every purchase decision responds to psychological needs rooted in how a person sees themselves now and how they want to be perceived in the future.
• Traditional marketing focuses on desires, while surreal selling reshapes identity → Instead of selling a product based solely on its features, surreal selling makes the customer feel they are undergoing a transformative moment by purchasing.

When selling a product, do not just present it as a solution to a problem; instead, make it part of the “new narrative” the customer wants to write about themselves:

• Use customer stories so they can see themselves within the transformation experience.
• Trigger the subconscious through linguistic and psychological cues that make the product feel like a natural extension of their future identity.
• Reinforce the value of the product by embedding it in the “moment of achievement” that the customer envisions for themselves.

People are not just consumers looking for a product or service; they are dynamic stories, constantly evolving based on their psychological state, daily interactions, and ever-changing identities.

Between Science and Intuition: How to Leverage Identity in Surreal Selling?

Science provides us with tools, but it does not reveal everything. Psychology, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), body language, and discourse analysis help in understanding the customer’s profile. However, deeply uncovering their motivations requires something else: trust and openness. People rarely reveal their true selves easily because they wear masks to protect themselves.

How Does Surreal Selling Handle This?

1. Creating a Sense of Security → The customer needs to feel they are not being judged but rather understood. When this happens, their mask begins to fade.
2. Presenting the Product as Part of the Customer’s Story → Do not sell them something; instead, reshape their narrative so that the product becomes a natural part of their personal growth.
3. Not Attacking the Mask, But Using It → The customer may not consciously acknowledge their deep motivations, but you can build upon them instead of exposing them directly.
4. Leveraging Life Transitions → Major purchasing decisions often occur during transitional phases, such as changing jobs, getting married, having a child, or moving to a new city. These moments present golden opportunities to reshape the self-narrative.
5. Using Subconscious Cues → A salesperson can employ body language, vocal tone, and speech patterns to make the customer feel that the product aligns with their future identity without them fully realizing it.

Conclusion: Is Selling an Art or a Science?

Surreal selling combines both: science provides tools to understand the customer’s evolving identity, while intuition allows access to their psychological world without resistance. If you can make your product a part of the customer’s story, you are not just selling them a commodity—you are selling them a piece of their future self.

Practical Application: How to Implement These Principles in Everyday Sales?

• When talking to a customer, do not focus solely on their immediate need—ask about their future aspirations.
• Link the product you are selling to the customer’s personal growth journey.
• Use interactive language that helps the customer visualize how they will improve after purchasing.
• Do not “convince” the customer to buy the product—help them see how owning it brings them closer to the identity they aspire to.

When you understand that every customer is the author of their own story, you become part of that story, and your product becomes one of the tools shaping it. This is the power of surreal selling.

Uniqueness, lies in being different despite our similarities, and similar despite our differences

Zouhair Mahmoud

Creator of the Surreal Selling Theory

Redefining how professionals approach sales through creativity and psychology.